Monday, 16 July 2012


Delighted pigs across the country have been donning their flying goggles and gassing up their planes, as the second reading of the Lords reform bill was passed in the House of Commons last week. A leading pig pilot and member of ‘Ironic Pigs UK’ echoed the views of many of his colleagues:

“As everyone has been waiting for over a hundred years for reform to the House of Lords, people said if we do finally get a fully-elected upper house – pigs will fly,” said Captain Bacon, “obviously, this has meant that us pigs were under a lot of pressure and had to stay ready for a number of years in preparation for this.”

Long stints of war and Tory government throughout the twentieth century nullified the chances of upper-house reform; and provided the pigs with ample time to acquire planes and equipment in preparation for their 
maiden ironic-flight.

“Now that the House of Lords may reform, it’s time for us to fly,” said a delighted Captain Bacon, “we’re ecstatic; but we’re not counting our chickens just yet.”

Captain Bacon went on to describe how when the Liberal Democrats entered into the coalition government in 2010, battalions of pigs across the country were put on high alert - also known as ‘pink alert’ – indicating that House of Lords reform (and the maiden ironic flight of pigs) was inevitable. However, successive constitutional cave-ins by the Lib Dems seemed to have irreparably damaged that possibility, leaving legions of disaffected pigs both disillusioned and disappointed.

It was reported that some pigs - desperate for a chance to fly ironically - had left the UK for Egypt, hoping for a first-time flight in the event that women in a Muslim country were to be given the same rights as men. Sadly, the recent election of the Muslim Brotherhood saw this dream die and many disappointed pigs returning home; curly tails between their short legs.

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