HIP-HOP COMMUNITY LEFT REELING AFTER THE BEAT Y’ALL, SOMEONE DID STOP

Fourteen people were hospitalised and several others were left deeply in shock at a hip-hop concert in Atlanta, Georgia, where contrary to long and almost sacrosanct held expectations, “to the beat y’all”, someone did stop.

“Oh shit it just went crazy yo, everybody was losing their shit,” said hip-hop fan, Willard Fung, “Normally, you don’t stop, to the beat y’all, you don’t stop,” Fung continued, “But some crazy ass fool did stop! Right there in front of everyone, mother fucker stopped!”

Unable to cope with the stopping man, the rapper on stage, up and coming local performer, Rufus E, or Roof-E to his homies, collapsed onto a heap of mixing equipment, which fell off stage and caused a number of injuries. The most severe injuries however were sustained in the prolonged shoot out with automatic weapons that ensued.

Promoters in Atlanta’s thriving hip-hop community are said to already have begun implementing measures to prevent people from stopping in future.

“We spiking drinks with speed, we slipping niggers pills and shit,” said promoter, Dirt-E Preezt, “And if they still want to stop after that, we shoot the motherfuckers.”

Freddie never stops.

JADA PINKETT SMITH URGES PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION BOYCOTT IF THERE ARE NO BLACK NOMINEES

Following her recent tweets of disbelief at the lack of black nominees at this year’s Oscars, the Fresh Prince’s wife is again asking for a boycott if there is another failure to represent black people. Though most shared her dismay at the second all white Oscar nomination list a row, few shared her belief that the Presidential election was quite the same thing. Late yesterday, Jada Pinkett-Smith tweeted the following: “Boycott the presidential election if there are no black nominees. Ours is a strong and noble people.”

Sources close to Pinkett-Smith that her comments should not be misread, and that they are in effect and aftershock reaction to the earthquake of racism Pinkett-Smith felt at this year’s Oscar nomination list.

“After that list came, out, she started seeing racism everywhere,” said Willow Smith, shortly before shaking her hair back and forth, “She even said we should boycott the Indian restaurant because there were no blacks working there. It sucks, I liked that place. I flick my hair back and forth….”

Spike Lee joined once again was quick to join Pinkett-Smith in her calls for a race-wide boycott:

“Sister Pinkett-Smith is right. It’s time to boycott those cracker-ass racists.”

Another place boycotted by Jada Pinkett-Smith.