Friday, 25 January 2013

Mail-order brides for the recession...


What makes the perfect Attack Ad…

US TV channels are awash with a campaign of ill-conceived but extremely expensive attack ads, paid for by the National Rifle Association. The NRA hopes to make a lethal assault in its latest battle with common logic, as it wrangles with that most hideous of foe: the idea that civilians shouldn’t possess military weapons.  When confronting seemingly irrefutable logic, the most potent weapon in the hands of the moron in 2013 is the well-produced attack ad. When facts don’t help, just shout louder! ZEITguide takes a look at what makes the perfect logic-busting attack ad…

Sexy Graphics:
Possibly the most persuasive tool in the fight with reason is undoubtedly the use of mind-bogglingly-irrelevant but irresistibly-sexy graphics.  The NRA have outdone themselves with their recent effort, confirming the assertion that the use of sinister silhouettes should be actively encouraged.

Judicious use of the ‘boom’ sound effect:
The fact that a resonant ‘boom’ sound effect is a pre-requisite to all good attack ads is beyond discussion; it is nearly impossible to make impactful statements of a wildly illogical nature without them. The issue is the level of usage: too little and your ad risks resembling a tawdry attempt at slam poetry; too much and you ad’s soundtrack strays dangerously close to the realms of house music. Extremely ill-advised.

Pointless but effective comparisons:
Don’t dwell on the fact that there may be distinguishable differences between the President of the USA and a man working in Starbucks, or the entire population of Ecuador and a cat – if it’s going to make a statement, make that comparison!

End with a militaristic slogan:
The NRA have used ‘Stand up and fight!’ in their latest effort, which given the armed nature of their target demographic, is as relevant as it is exhortative. Notable successes from other organisations in the past are: ‘Put up or shut-up!’, ‘We shall overcome!’, ‘No surrender!’ and ‘Go fuck yourself!’

Attack ads can be the face of an organisation if required.

Slightly disconcerting ad on Gumtree. No time waster.

Thursday, 24 January 2013


Prime Minister David Cameron promised that if re-elected in 2015, he would hold a referendum on whether Britain should remain in the EU, or leave…and potentially join Africa.

The Prime Minister’s statement stressed the importance of giving the Britons the freedom to choose between the red-tape-lined, supra-legal, mandatory-square banana regulations-fest that was the European Union; and the sun-baked, Attenborough-loved, mineral-filled-but-occasionally-troublesome continent of Africa.

“The British public have the right to choose, this has always been a Tory priority,” thundered the Prime Minister, “Belgium or Burkina Faso? Oberpfaffenhofen or Ouagadougou? The choice is yours!”

The Prime Minister’s latest statement is said to be a move which will appease – and for a time, silence - Euro-sceptic members of his party, as well regaining some of the ground lost to UKIP in recent months. However, despite pleasing many Tory Euro-sceptics, Cameron’s pledge has alienated a large number of Tory Ethnic-racists.

“I never imagined there could be anything worse than being ruled by a horde of krauts and frogs,” said one particularly racist party member, “then they suggested this.”

Many commentators are predicting that disaffected Tories begin defecting to far-right parties in their droves. Organisations such as the BNP, the EDL, the Mighty White Alliance and the Project for the Eternal Celebration of Enoch Powell, are all possible beneficiaries. Others are suggesting that this splinter group may form a party all of their own, solely for the representation of conservative racist interests.   

Europe or Africa?