Tuesday, 28 October 2014


In a shocking discovery that has vindicated a statement made to the press earlier in the week, defence secretary Michael Fallon has discovered a swamp of boggy peat comprised exclusively of immigrants, located on the outskirts of forthcoming by-election town, Rochester. Fallon triumphantly announced that his previous claim that Britain was to be “swamped by immigrants” was in fact a portent of astonishing prescience.

“This is exactly the problem I was referring to earlier in the week,” boomed a shirtless and chest-beating Michael Fallon, “Swamped by immigrants? Here is a swamp made entirely of immigrants! I have never felt the erection-inducing throes of vindication so much in my life!”

Conservative and UKIP bloggers have been quick to seize on the discovery, suggesting that Enoch Powell had been right – though wrong on the exact landscape feature – and that it is likely that the entire UK would be one immigrant swamp by as early as February 2015.

A spokeswoman from anti-racism organisation, E-Kwality, denounced the discovery as nothing more than a hoax:

“We visited the site earlier in the day and saw that it was in fact some immigrants, picking some fruit in a farmer’s field,” said spokeswoman, Charity Imployi, “Unfortunately it had rained rather heavily that morning so the workers were quite muddy. When Fallon arrived he immediately removed his shirt and began screaming that it was an immigrant swamp. It was hard to reason with him.”

 The last native man of Britain.