Thursday, 14 August 2014


BBC Sport presenter and all-round delightful lady, Sue Barker, has been put on suicide-watch following the revelation that the only man who ever got close to taking her heart (and her flower), could in fact be a kiddie-fiddler. The allegations that Clifford Richards, or Ciff Richards to his fans, may have been involved in the abuse of a young boy has shocked many the nation over (though no one who has seen a leather-clad Richards in his video ‘Wired for Sound’…) and is said to have sent Barker into the depths of despair.

“She just went into the garden and started hitting tennis balls all over the place, it was chaos,” said neighbour, Iris Tamicase, “Then she cleared the balls away and did some weeding, but she still looked awfully upset.”
Fellow BBC Sports presenters have been quick to offer their support:

“As soon as I heard the news about Cliff Richards, I thought, my God, how’s Sue?” said a concerned Gary Lineker, whilst applying himself with Ambre Solaire, “I just want her to know that we’re all thinking about her, and I hope the allegations aren’t true. Even though, let’s face it, if you’ve seen the video ‘Wired for Sound’, you know it’s probably true.”

Other showings of support for Sue were made on Twitter, with fellow Wimbledon presenter John Inverdale providing further encouragement:

@ExposedChest99: Sorry to hear abt #CliffRichards @SueBarker Lchin up, I’d still slap your touche anyday! And I’m not a paedo… technically #IWasSmashed

Gaby Logan also chimed in to buoy her BBC colleague:

@Gaby’Logz’Logan: Sorry to hear the news Sue. Stay strong! I guess you won’t be doing #Wimbledon next year @BBCCommissioning I’m available!

Sue never enjoyed the boy's doubles as much as Cliff.