Wednesday, 18 July 2012


The arrival of teams of athletes from many third world countries for the Olympic Games in London has sparked new migration fears, one Home Office spokesman has said.

“Normally Olympic hosting nations have to plan for the possibility that athletes from poorer nations will abscond from their teams and enter their hosting country illegally,” the spokesman said, as he negligently left a pen-drive of public data on a restaurant table.

“This time the problem is a bit different, we are worried that many Londoners will be trying to abscond from their British lives and jobs, and seek a new life in Africa or Asia.”

The attraction to abscond is clear for all to see, with many Londoners no doubt being lured by the hot weather, falling unemployment and rising growth rates in African and Asian countries.

We spoke to a member of the Kenyan track team who explained that prior to their arrival in London last-week, they were briefed as to the situation in London.

“We were told to look out for Londoners trying to sneak back with us to Kenya,” said Helen Kiptanui, “We heard the roads are falling apart, the trains don’t work, everyone is corrupt – I’m not surprised people are trying to leave.”

Over-hearing the conversation, Helen’s team captain waded into the discussion, saying:

“Also, we heard if we are not careful we could get looted in a riot!” she said, with no sense of irony, “and the Police will stand fifty metres away and just watch. This is stupid because no one in the Olympics runs fifty metres… it’s like they don’t even care about the Olympics.”

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