Monday, 13 January 2014


·         Al Gore misunderstands the film ‘Sharknado’ – The former vice-president has already spent millions of dollars raising awareness of all the poorly-conceived natural disasters that will occur as a result of global warming (including Tara Reid - though she is only partly natural). His decision to embark on another crusade is said to have nothing to do with the fact that his wife wants him out of the house.

·         Francois Hollande attempts to shag his way to popularity – The ever unpopular French president is determined to have as many extra-marital affairs as it will take for the French to finally accept him. Former Italian Prime Minister, Sylvio Berclusconi, is said to have wished him "the best of luck on his noble quest'.

·         FIFA President Sepp Blatter expresses 'mild irritation' at latest Qatar World Cup atrocity – News of more South-Asian workers plunging to their deaths in medieval working conditions is said to have caused the FIFA President to pause momentarily before eating his sandwich. He then left the room with a Qatari delegate before returning ten minutes later, wearing a 24-carat gold hat and a look of contentment.

·         Kim Jong-Un keen to appear on reality television – The portly Pyongyang premier is said to want to show his softer side to the public following the recent executions of his close friends and family. MTV are keen to strike a deal to make a show, based loosely on tried-and-tested formats like 'The Osbornes'. 

·         Nine year old child prodigy in Beijing learns ‘Mein Kampf’ off by heart – His parents regret not being able to read English and buying a book they thought was about Charlie Chaplin. They realised the mistake after listening to the boy recite the entire volume and deducing that it couldn't have been Chaplin as it 'wasn't that funny'.
Not as funny as you might think.

No comments:

Post a Comment