ENGLAND CRICKET COACH ANDY FLOWER PUNCHES KEVIN PIETERSEN

Following one of the worst Ashes tours in history, things only seem to be getting worse for the England cricket team. In the latest chapter to the seemingly interminable saga, a long overdue bust-up between England coach Andy Flower and premier batsman Kevin Pietersen has finally resulted in the two men coming to blows.

The incident is said to have happened as the squad and management met for a debrief following the last defeat at Sydney. Those present said it wasn’t long before Flower and Pietersen were at each other’s throats.

“Who do you think you are? You look like Robbie Williams from the year 2000!” said a furious Andy Flower.
“At least I don’t look like the white-power leader from American History X!” replied Pietersen, spitting with rage, “Every time you talk it’s like listening to a serial killer’s confession you creepy twat!”

The England coach bit back, “Fuck you pal, at least I’m not married to the mannish one from Liberty X. How much is your wife benching these days?” Flower turned and gleefully high-fived David Saker.
“At least I can get a wife! Your cleft-lip makes you look like a kid from an Oxfam poster!” shouted Pietersen.
“Oh why don’t you go back to South Africa, no wait! It’s because they all hate you!” said Flower stepping towards KP.
“Oh why don’t you go back to your farm in Zim, no wait! It’s because Mugabe took it!” Pietersen laughed and looked to high-five a member of the team but was snubbed by all.

For Flower, the farm-jibe was the last straw, and he strode up to Pietersen and punched him square on the nose. The sight of Pietersen’s blood was said to have made Joe Root cry, but the England No. 3 has denied the allegation. 

Despite being a better batsman, Pietersen's 'Dr. Evil' was really shit.