Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Miliband watches as Clegg gives Cameron the finger.

Labour Leader and cartoon-character lookalike, Ed Miliband, has been struggling to hide his glee at the recent emergence of a rift in the Coalition government. It is understood that he is particularly pleased with the misery currently being endured by the Liberal Democrats, who have been forced to re-consider their coalition obligations in light of recent Tory stonewalling of key Lib Dem policies. Miliband has, on three instances in the last two days, been caught sniggering to himself at Public occasions, for seemingly no ostensible reason. The latest incident was at a meeting with newly-elected French President, Francois Hollande; which as well as delivering a stinging faux-pas caused much embarrassment to the Labour party establishment.

Being the first senior European-politician to officially visit President Hollande, Miliband’s arrival was much anticipated and he met the Premier and his entourage amidst a hail of camera clicks and flashes. As he approached the President to meet his outstretched hand with his own, Miliband suddenly burst into a series of low chortles, punctuated with the occasional grunt, all of which clearly stunned Mr Hollande. Moments before shaking President Hollande’s hand, Miliband attempted to stifle his laughter using his own hand, before using the same – now damp - limb to greet the President. The French President calmly overlooked the faux pas, but is understood to be furious.

“This funny looking man,” said a Foreign Ministry spokeswoman, “Laugh at our President? We should laugh at him with his cartoon face.”

Miliband was unavailable for comment following his meeting with the French President, citing a dangerous build-up of saliva in his mouth as his reason. He released a statement claiming he had not laughed and it was merely the delight of meeting the French President that had caused him to react in such a brazen way. Knowing that such a delight was a thing of fiction, Labour insiders have speculated that it was thinking about Lib-Dem suffering that had made him laugh at such an untimely moment.

“Apparently he had just sent a text to Nick Clegg,” said the insider, “He was teasing him about Lords Reform.”

It was later discovered – and following the hiring of three recently bailed phone thieves - that Miliband had in fact sent a text message to Clegg, and Lords reform was indeed the topic:

Never mind about the Lords :-) You can still get some reform with the Tories, maybe they will all be hereditary one day!! :-))) lolz say hi to Miriam, E xxx   

Labour spin doctors are keen to play down the incident, but are secretly training Miliband in ‘Advanced Laughter Stifling’ and also in ‘Chortle Management’ – both of which are courses run by a company set-up by Peter Mandelson – in order to minimise the possibility of further embarrassment in the coming weeks.

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