Monday, 27 January 2014


Following the revelation that spending to combat climate change has fallen some 41% under Coalition environment secretary, Owen Paterson, amidst growing suspicions of 'climate skepticism' in the government, a time-travelling man from the future is reported to have laughed his ass-off with disbelief. Time-travelling resident of the year 2614, Sal Webdesignerman, was seen rolling about on the floor in hysterics in the middle of Leicester Square, after he picked up a copy of a newspaper during his two week holiday in 2014.

“Well I always wanted to visit the early 21st century; in the future this is certainly viewed as one of the most hilarious periods in history,” said Sal, crouched in a sitting pose, having evolved to do so through five hundred years of sedentary living, “I mean alcohol is still legal, but weed isn't, straight people who are murderers can get married, but gay people who are nice can’t; and some people still think climate change is bullshit! It’s fucking hilarious man.”

The 27th century tourist went on to ask whether 21st century folk still thought the world was flat; and discovering that only some of them did, vowed to make another holiday to a time or place where everyone did – like 14th century Europe, or 21st century Utah.

A Tory spokesman from DEFRA scoffed at the reaction from Webdesignerman, saying in a press conference, “Ha! What does a man from the future know about what’s going to happen? Bloody Trotskyist clap-trap, requisitionist hullabulloo, heresiarchal gobbledy-gook! Who wants to listen to that?”

The environment secretary was unavailable for comment, busy with his visit to Somerset to speak with flood-ravaged locals. But inadvertently-homoerotic novelist and ardent climate-change-denier, James Delingpole, spoke out defiantly against Webdesignerman's words, "Just because a man from the future, who has seen what will happen in the next five-hundred years, has said that climate change will happen; there is still no real evidence that it's going to happen, in the way that the dandified, Guardian-reading, bourgeois-left are saying."  
Climate-change skeptic James Delingpole insists that
 outdoor-badminton is still on the cards.

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