How to be a Republican Presidential Candidate.
With the Republican National Convention taking place last
week in Tampa, in the Southern State of Florida, Zeitlies looks at what it takes
to make the ideal Republican presidential candidate…
1. A mind-blowingly kempt haircut…
Romney and his running mate Paul Ryan have got this completely right. Not even Hurricane Isaac seemed to pose a threat to either of their well-cemented styles. To his credit, Bush Jnr’s hair was always in pretty good nick, the result – two consecutive terms in office. However, John McCain never had the follicle presence of other Republican candidates – meaning it was no surprise that the most vociferous support in his campaign was targeted at the voluminous hairdo of then-aspiring-bimbo Sarah Palin.
Romney and his running mate Paul Ryan have got this completely right. Not even Hurricane Isaac seemed to pose a threat to either of their well-cemented styles. To his credit, Bush Jnr’s hair was always in pretty good nick, the result – two consecutive terms in office. However, John McCain never had the follicle presence of other Republican candidates – meaning it was no surprise that the most vociferous support in his campaign was targeted at the voluminous hairdo of then-aspiring-bimbo Sarah Palin.
2. Get yourself a weird religion…
Reagan implied it, Bush Jnr had it, and Romney has it in spades. Don’t hide your free-wheeling, polygamous, anti-science, anti-history, regressive buffoonery of a religion – let that bad boy out!
Reagan implied it, Bush Jnr had it, and Romney has it in spades. Don’t hide your free-wheeling, polygamous, anti-science, anti-history, regressive buffoonery of a religion – let that bad boy out!
3. You need a shady business past…
Here is where the Bush family set the gold standard, with erstwhile members brazenly profiting from the war deaths of millions in Europe, and ol’ Geo bankrupting every company he came within twenty metres of – even with his Harvard MBA! The Kennedy’s had sought to compete for the Democrats in this area in years gone by – a threat which has declined in recent years. But today’s Republicans can be pleased with Romney’s impressive business track record, as he has seemingly ticked all the requisite boxes. He has shown a ruthless and callous disregard for the welfare of his employees, has been the beneficiary of questionable favouritism and shows a general disdain for business transparency and the tax inspector. The boy has done well!
Here is where the Bush family set the gold standard, with erstwhile members brazenly profiting from the war deaths of millions in Europe, and ol’ Geo bankrupting every company he came within twenty metres of – even with his Harvard MBA! The Kennedy’s had sought to compete for the Democrats in this area in years gone by – a threat which has declined in recent years. But today’s Republicans can be pleased with Romney’s impressive business track record, as he has seemingly ticked all the requisite boxes. He has shown a ruthless and callous disregard for the welfare of his employees, has been the beneficiary of questionable favouritism and shows a general disdain for business transparency and the tax inspector. The boy has done well!
4. Don’t talk facts!
Republicans do not want to hear facts. They
want to hear that ‘things are gonna be swell’ and that their government is ‘gonna
kick some Commie ass!”. Diverting from this well established maxim can only end
in disaster – a lesson which Romney-Ryan have already learnt!
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| Romney was soon informed that the GOP do not like limp wrists. |
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