US COACH ACCUSES CHINESE ATHLETE OF BEING AN ALIEN

Following the allegations made by World Swimming Coaches Association Director, John Leonard, suggesting that Chinese swimmer Ye Shiwen’s gold medal-winning performance may have been the result of doping; Olympic organisers at London 2012 were quick to come to her defence – saying that she has been regularly tested at the Games, each time passing as clean.

Leonard, who has worked for the US Swimming Team at six Olympic games, refused to acknowledge that his accusation was simply ‘sour-grapes’; owing to China’s success at London 2012 and the apparent re-positioning of the world sporting-order.

“Look, if she ain’t on drugs, there is only one explanation,” said a furious Leonard, scowling at every Chinese person that walked past, “She’s got to be an alien.”

Leonard went on to describe how it is impossible that the Chinese academies could produce such results – highlighting that “No human alive should be able to swim the last 50m faster than Ryan Lochtie – let alone some Chinese chick.”

Leonard then explained that his position on extra-terrestrials competing in the Olympics was clear:

“This is a human Olympics, if she or he or it wants to swim, well they can go back to their own planet.” 

Leonard was questioned further as to whether his latest accusation was the result of some bitterness at the success of the Chinese – some of which has been experienced at the expense of the Americans:

“Why I oughta…..” said a fuming Leonard, as he was restrained by colleagues, “There is no way a damn Chinaman can beat an American. She’s a damn Alien, they all are!”

                    Swimming Coach John Leonard learns of another Chinese medal victory.