Wednesday, 1 August 2012


India suffered its largest sustained power-cut in over a decade this week, leaving half of the country without power. The country’s creaking infrastructure has often struggled to cope with an unequal demand and distribution for power across different areas of the country, with some states over-subscribing from the national grid and others using much less. These problems are compounded by rampant corruption from state officials and the construction of large numbers of ‘unauthorised’ residential areas that illegally syphon power from the grid. However, as these issues are present every-day in modern India, energy analysts and ministers refused to blame either corruption or mismanagement as the real reason for this present blackout.

“It’s very easy to blame corruption or incompetence when these things happen in India,” said Laloo Dacoity, Energy Minister for Haryana, “but the real reason for this can actually be found online.”

Dacoity and several other state Energy Ministers are instead blaming the blackout on a sudden, unprecedented surge in power demands that took place simultaneously across the country. The reason for this was the rumoured online-release of a celebrity sex-tape – this time featuring none other than Indian cricket demi-god, Sachin Tendulkar.

“Suddenly people who never needed to use electricity were desperately plugging in their phones and laptops,” said Dacoity, “Understandably, in the hope of seeing’s Sachin’s bare arse.”

However, millions across the country were left cruelly disappointed; as it transpired that the Tendulkar sex-tape was in fact a hoax, filmed and released by Pakistani secret service agency, ISI.

“We wanted to see how easy it would be to bring India to its knees,” said ISI chief, Hamid Bul, “Our army haven’t been paid in years, our nukes are made of wood - so we needed to explore all options that could be used against India. This was a great success.”

In order to prevent against this kind of attack again, the Federal Government in India has formed a taskforce to test the providence of any sex-tapes released online; in the hope of detecting a potential hoax-attack from Pakistan. Presently, the members of the taskforce are yet to be selected - though every male Member of Parliament has nominated himself to be included.

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