Thursday, 27 September 2012


The leaking of a set of pictures featuring a brazenly-topless Kate Middleton sporting a turban and beard in the manner of the Prophet Mohammed, has presented a momentous dilemma for tabloid news editors across the world. The editor of French toilet-rag mag, Closer, is reported to have shot himself after being unable to handle the intensity of the quandary.

The pictures - taken at a party organised by Prince Harry - are said to have been leaked to a number of tabloid titles across Europe. Presently, sitting on the desks of several editors, none are yet to be published; with editors struggling to deduce whether the inevitable bloodshed - that would result from a pandemic of outrage across the Islamic world – would be a suitable price to pay for the unprecedented glory amongst perverts and fools that printing the pictures would bring. 

“It’s a fucking toughie!” said an anonymous tabloid editor, as he gleefully flicked through pictures of naked and orphaned refugees, “I mean those have got to be the most tawdry, worthless, insulting set of pictures in history, I would fucking love to print them! Tits and Islam, beautiful. But, we have to be careful these days...”

Muslim activists across the world are already stockpiling protest banner-making materials and practising Arabic chants (meaningless to non-Arabic speaking infidels), all in preparation for they predict will be a never-before-seen wave of offensiveness from the Western world.

“None of us have seen the pictures yet and we don’t intend to, but boy-oh-boy, are we pissed off!” said East London Mosque spokesman, Mohammed Mohammed. “Anyone who prints the pictures, looks at the pictures, thinks about the pictures, or thinks about anything, will feel the force of the almighty Allah!”

Kate Middleton is yet again devastated at the news that another set of damning pictures are once more circulating among the various paid-perverts in the employ of tabloids across the world. Many however are less sympathetic this time around; with critics denouncing her irresponsibility in dressing in such a manner in public, and also for accepting an invitation to an event organised by Prince Harry.

Muslim activist practises looking offended.

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