Thursday, 24 July 2014

ZEITlies – Voxpop

As bombs rain on Gaza and the Israeli Defence Force increases its efforts to redress sporadic Hamas rocket attacks, ZEITlies catches up with an IDF spokesman for a brief chat on proportionality…

(ed -  To IDF Lawyers… this is in fact a joke…)

ZEITlies:                      Hi there, thanks for taking the time to talk to us.
IDF Spokesman:         It’s fine. Now talk.
ZEITlies                      Would you regard the current IDF offensive as a proportionate response to Hamas attacks?
IDF Spokesman:        Of course! What a stupid question. You don’t think I know what proportionate is?
ZEITlies:                     Well, what would you do if someone stole a hat from you?
IDF Spokesman:        A hat? MY HAT? I would take everything they owned! Everything! Their possessions, their family, their dogs, everything!
ZEITlies:                      Ok… maybe you like hats. What would you do if your partner slept with someone else?
IDF Spokesman:        She slept with someone else? I don’t believe it! I would sleep with every woman in Israel, every man as well if I had to! I would sleep with so many people there would be no one left for her to sleep with!
ZEITlies:                      Right, I wouldn’t say that was entirely equivalent… what would you do if someone punched you?
IDF Spokesman:        They punched me? Oh my god, no! I would take their hand, and then I would punch them in the head with it so many times, there would be a fist shaped hole in their head! Then I would take the head and I would…
ZEITlies:                     Ok, ok! I get it. So if you knew a Palestinian fired a rocket into Israel…
IDF Spokesman:        If they did that I would bomb every man, woman, cow, dog, cat and bird in that bloody place! It would be a desert when I was done! It would be a hole in the desert! There would every single grain of dirt on that strip will have been bombed at least five times!
ZEITlies:                     I see… proportionate.
IDF Spokesman:       Exactly! Now somebody fetch me something to beat this guy with!

IDF respond to a toddler with a pea-shooter.

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