SALES OF HAND CREAM ROCKET AS JEWISH PEOPLE THE WORLD OVER PREPARE FOR SOME SERIOUS FACE-PALMING
Sales of hand creams have almost doubled in the last few weeks, as the Israeli Defence Force steps-up it’s maniacally misguided attacks on the much blighted Palestinians of Gaza, causing millions of right-minded Jewish people the world over to face-palm more than ever before. With attacks - that are about as proportional a response as disciplining an unruly child by making him chew a hand grenade - set to increase in the coming weeks, Jewish people across the world prepare themselves for some serious face-palming.
“It’s terrible what’s happening out there, I can’t even watch. The whole time my face is in my hands,” remarked Manhattan resident, Oscar Grouchovski, “If it’s gonna be this way, then I want to make sure my hand is soft and that it smells nice, so I’ve got a three litre tub of Nivea in my car.”
One North London Synagogue has already set up a face-palm station, treating its worshippers for face-palm injuries like contact eczema and the dreaded ‘hand-print face’. In one week alone, the station managed to use over 100 litres of Neutrogena.
“Apparently Neutrogena is for hard working hands, can you see any more hard working hands than this right now?” exclaimed the station’s founder, Rabbi Shoutenberg, “We’re using it by the bucket! I mean really, the bucket! Look, Ishmael is squeezing tubes into a bucket right now…”
Shareholders of major hand cream companies like Dove and Nivea are said to be delighted at the recent boon in sales, leading many to now speculate whether it is in fact hand cream companies that are fomenting the situation in Gaza to their own advantage.
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