Thursday, 10 July 2014


Following Brazil’s six goal trouncing at the hands of the marauding Germans, Brazilian football fans’ worst fears were confirmed late on Tuesday night as the four horsemen of the apocalypse were spotted cantering through the streets of Bela Horizonte. As many had predicted - whilst watching their heroes take more of a beating than prisoners at Guantanamo – it really was the end of the world.

“Our defence was penetrated three times in six minutes,” said shocked Brazilian pundit, Paolo Nascimento de Rubiano, or ‘Frank’, as he is known, “It was like watching a porno movie. To be turned into porn is the worst humiliation. It’s all over now.”

With news of the end of the world spreading like wild fire across grieving households all over Brazil, rioting broke out in a number of towns including Bela Horizonte, where crude effigies of David Luis where ceremoniously burnt, with hoards of beautiful people surrounding the fires and dancing and having sex to irresistible samba music.

“It’s totally the end of the world. When the beauty of Brazil has faded so much that it makes the Germans appear aesthetic, you know the end is nigh,” a Brazilian journalist commented, “But in Brazil, the end of the world is music and dancing and passion! It’s carnival! So it’s not all bad.”

Three horse-persons and a bloke in a horse head

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