Wednesday, 28 May 2014


The nation is still reverberating from the tremors of the UKIP political earthquake which saw the first non-LabCon party in 90 years win an election in the UK, brushing-off all contenders in a stunning rout.  The result left many shocked British voters pondering one crushing realisation: there really are more twats about than we thought.

As the waters of the UKIP tsunami recede, leaving a detritus of Tetley bitter cans, Bernard Manning DVDs and England football shirts, political pollsters are now seeking to ascertain exactly how many twats are actually out there.

“We knew there were a lot of twats, what with The Voice being so popular and all, but the UKIP election win was simply another level,” mused famed internet pollster, Bate Sliver, “There really are so many more twats out there than even the most cynical of us thought.”

Ruining a car parking space near you.
It is widely believed that the distribution of twats is generally uneven throughout the UK, with some areas showing very few, but in parts of Essex twat numbers are said to be so high that twats outnumber non-twats in many towns. Some analysts believe Essex could become the first twat-majority county by 2015.

Related News: The Ultra Knowledgeable Institute of Paedophiles has seen a huge surge in its membership following the European elections last weekend, with many easily-confused voters joining under the mistaken apprehension that it was the United Kingdom Independence Party.

“We have had many people join us thinking we were UKIP, most of them left when they realised we weren’t, “commented the Institute’s membership secretary, Dirty Phil, “I guess it’s an easy mistake to make.”

Farage has refused to comment on the latest bizarre fiasco, but critics have been quick to suggest that this is further evidence that most UKIP voters have no idea what they are signing-up to.

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