Wednesday, 17 October 2012


The Nobel Prize committee turned heads, caught glances, and elicited shouts of vulgar abuse today as it announced that in addition to the awards bestowed last week, an additional prize was to be awarded, giving ill-conceived recognition to a whole new category of undeserving recipient. The new award is to be known as the Nobel-Facebook Prize for Services to the Art of Delusional Behaviour. The inaugural winner is the country of Serbia, beating former Republican presidential-candidate Herman Cain and the Church of Scientology into second and third places respectively. Honourable mentions were also made for former Libyan-despot Muammar Gaddafi and current Syrian-despot Bashar Al-Assad.

Spokesman for the Nobel Committee - Svelte Haarkut - read a statement on their behalf at a press conference in Stockholm today:

“We commend - in particular - the Serbian FA for their commitment to the art of delusional behaviour, exhibited most recently by their blanket denial of racism at the recent football match against the England U-21 side. They then followed this up by attempting to lay blame for the incident on England defender Danny Rose, when it was evident to everyone that he was the victim. This was some of the finest delusional behaviour we have seen since we saw Respect Party MP George Galloway being a cat in the Big Brother house.”

Haarkut went on to explain how the Committee had contemplated awarding the prize to just the Serbian FA, rather than the whole country. But he described how recent press coverage of the on-going trial of Bosnian-Serb leader Radovan Karadzic changed the Committee’s approach.

“Karadzic is a world-class delusional behaviour specialist. This has been known for many years. His recent statement at the ICTY in the Hague where he felt he should be ‘rewarded for his peace efforts’ in enabling a widespread genocide, further strengthen this claim. It is for this reason that we widened the definition of the recipient to include the whole of Serbia. It would have sounded shit if it was just the FA and Karadzic…”

The Serbian FA are said to be delighted with the honour, stating that “it speaks volumes about the soundness of our character and how we are definitely not racist.” Radovan Karadzic, presently incarcerated and surfing the waves of insanity in the Netherlands, was unavailable for comment; but is reported to believe that he won the award last year too, even though this is the first time the award is to be given. 

Karadzic denies ever having a double-chin.

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