HUGE RISE IN NUMBER OF FAKE LAW FIRMS THREATENS TO EXPOSE THE UTTER FARCE OF REAL LAW FIRMS

Little known and barely used regulator of solicitors, the SRA, released figures revealing a 125% increase in reports of fake law firms made to them over the last two years. The SRA quickly looked to dispel allegations that such a rise was due to the fact they had installed a second phone, stating that the figures represented a worrying trend that was affecting even more worryingly stupid consumers.

“People can easily be duped by scammers masquerading as lawyers, the two groups are so difficult to distinguish at the best of times!” said SRA spokesman, Ivor Twotoo-Degry, “What we are urging consumers to think is, just because he says he’s a solicitor doesn’t mean he is. I mean, if he said he was a lion, would you believe him? No, you’d ask for some credentials.”

However, amidst the cries of concern at the plight of the consumer, petrified lawyers are closing ranks and administering spanks, fearing the prospect that fake lawyers may discover what a complete farce being a real lawyer actually is.

“What happens if they find out that we never draft anything? That we just tweak templates we get from PLC Corporate online?” said Hamilton Slax, a concerned partner of West End law firm, Cordoroy Slax LLP, “Or that we actually don’t know anything, we just Google it like everyone else. And then there’s billing…. dear God…”

Several Magic Circle firms are already thought to be lobbying the government to bring back the death penalty for ‘lawyering under falsehood with masquerade aforethought’, approaching all the major political parties in a desperate attempt to arse-cover in the run-up to the election. UKIP are thought to be considering the proposal, having already decided to bring back the death penalty for the proposed offence of ‘being Romanian’. 

I'm ruined.