LOVERS OF BULLSHIT READY
THEMSELVES FOR PUTIN’S GRANDEST OPUS
Lovers of bullshit the world over are waiting on tenterhooks
pending the outcome of the investigation into the shocking attack on flight
MH17 (in an incident described by one Malaysian Airlines shareholder as a “fucking
piss-take”), with many inside the Kremlin believing the bullshit Putin will be forced
to spout in defence could be the finest bullshit he will ever speak.
Despite constant denials of Russian involvement by the
Kremlin, there are now more fingers pointing towards Moscow than in a
Soviet-era pointing farm (where hundreds of peasant children would be forced to
stand for hours and point at the Soviet capital in reverence to whichever illustrious
leader was in office at the time).
Reports from Moscow have stated that Putin is well aware of
the gravity of the task he faces - with the plane’s flight recorders about to
be analysed in the Netherlands - so has begun work on his bullshit response
earlier than normal.
“I’ve heard it will be his best work yet,” remarked former
Kremlin insider and bullshit analyst, Leonid Alovadiflov, “Allegedly he is
pain-stakingly fabricating a fiction of the utmost complexity, with dynamic
characters, profound themes and startling drama! I’ve heard there was an
extra-terrestrial plot-twist in the story line, but my source cannot be
verified - mostly because he was shot.”
Other analysts familiar with the workings of the
Kremlin have added further fallacious fuel to the speculatory fire: “The C.I.A.
intercepted some communications recently which suggest Putin has been reading a
lot of Tolkien, so we expect his bullshit story to even include its own language,”
commented Harvard analyst, Buster Capinnem, “The US is already thinking of a
new language of its own in retaliation, though at this stage it’s not clear
what they will do with it".
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| Maybe I'll say... ghosts did it... |
