ALL PLANES TO HAVE ‘AT LEAST ONE OTHER PLANE WITH THEM’ AT ALL TIMES

With the whereabouts of the Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 yet to be determined, the International Aviation Authority has announced proposals to require all commercial airliners to fly with at least one buddy airliner in order to avoid this ever happening again. All commercial airliners will also be required to have a nominated Mummy plane, whom the airliner is to report to regularly, before, during and after long flights.

“We have all this advanced technology available to us and nothing!” said a frustrated Malaysian investigator, “Satellite pictures, nothing! GPS, nothing! Radar, nothing! I bet if the plane was made of f**king oil they would’ve found it by now…The buddy plane system is our only option.”

Many aviation experts have expressed some surprise that this current disappearing is one of so few occurrences. Amateur flight-tracker and one time terrorist-suspect, Amar O’Mara, said that given the fact that most commercial airliners go off so far on their own all the time, it’s a surprise more don’t get lost: “It’s just bound to happen really, you keep going off like that,” said O’Mara over his CB radio.

The International Aviation Authority plans to package this requirement with a raft of other proposals, including requiring planes to always have their phones on, to never talk to strangers and to always wear something warm at night, even in the summer when it’s still a bit balmy.

Exactly how friendly 'Buddy Planes' want to get, is entirely up to them.