EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT OF PEOPLE LIST NARCISSISM AS A HOBBY IN RECENT SURVEY

A survey conducted by polling organisation, GRE-CPol, which interviewed over ten thousand UK residents between the ages of sixteen and thirty, discovered that a staggering eighty-five percent of people now list narcissism as a hobby. Narcissism is now by far the most popular hobby amongst young people in the UK today, beating previous top hobbies ‘watching TV’ and ‘fucking about on the internet’ into second and third places respectively.

“Obviously we framed narcissism quite widely, to include more than just selfies,” explained GRE-CPol statistician, Stan Dardevyashan, “We included things like the recent ice-bucket challenge, most holiday snaps, and photos uploaded of third-parties in whose reflected glory the uploader seeks to bask in.”

The government’s opposition was quick to respond to the findings, blaming the population's growing infatuation with itself on the government’s agenda of privatisation, the deconstruction of the state and what 

Harriet Harman described was “proto-Nietschzian-facist misogyny” - after speaking to journalists gathered outside the International De-criminalise Paedophilia Conference (known by regulars as the DP Conference) where she was giving the keynote speech

Queen narcissist Lady Gaga later tweeted that she thought the survey was a “totally poo joke”, before moments later tweeting a picture of herself pouting, pushing her cleavage together and holding a cocktail with a rasher of bacon in it.

There's always time for a selfie.