SAN FRANCISCO GAY COMMUNE MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO BE RUSSIAN

As the outpouring of criticism regarding Russia’s anti-gay laws reaches fever pitch around the world, one gay commune in California’s Bay Area - Four Seasons of Fabulous - has taken the retaliatory step of banning Russians and the ‘promotion of Russia to the under-eighteens’ on its premises. This includes prohibiting Russian propagandist material such as Lenin t-shirts, Tatu CDs, Chekhov books, vodka, Tetris games and the little dolls with smaller dolls inside them – an item that was previously one of the most popular artefacts in the commune.

“We thought the only way to respond to their hate, was with hate of our own,” said Fabulous Jackson, the commune’s President, “If people want to promote Russia to the under-eighteens, then then nearest place they can do that is a small courtyard under a freeway fly-over, about half an hour’s drive from here. They can do what they want over there…. though f**k all people will see ‘em.”

A spokesman for the Russian foreign ministry has expressed outrage at the commune’s decision, suggesting that it is a sinister attempt to marginalise a much maligned community in the US.

“It’s completely unacceptable, but what can we do?” said Boris Grinderov, polishing his framed picture of Putin, “When those gays get angry they can be a really bitchy bunch. Who wants to fight with them? Shit, I don’t want scratch marks all over my face.”

Four Seasons of Fabulous is also reviewing its policies with respect to people from other nations that presently have anti-gay statutes on their books.

“Obviously the Indian issue is a tricky one,” said Jackson, simultaneously painting his finger nails and bench-pressing 150 lbs, “We used to let them in, but then they changed their laws! A lot of people say that they will be changed back, so we have an internment centre on-site for Indians, housing them until their government finally overturns the recent Supreme Court decision. They also sell fabulous savoury treats from there, which we would be loath to losing.” 

Who knows whether this guy will be let in....