PRIME MINISTER LEFT SMARTING AFTER ID BLUNDER AT TORY CONFERENCE IN BIRMINGHAM

Prime Minister David Cameron was left smarting at the Conservative Party conference on Tuesday, after he was forced to confirm his identity as Conservative Party leader upon entering the ICC in Birmingham. The staff at the entrance were lead to believe that the party leader had already arrived, following Boris Johnson’s boisterous entrance an hour earlier where he was ambushed by an awaiting gaggle of noisy reporters eager for a dopey soundbite. By contrast, Cameron’s arrival was greeted by a sole teenager - compiling information for his blog - and a couple of tourists who were evidently lost.

“I thought he looked familiar,” said a private security contractor, “but because he turned up like some random Billy, we had to ask him who he was.”

The Prime Minister’s day was made even worse by an injury he sustained during Boris Johnson’s opening speech. Mr. Cameron sat and watched as Johnson wowed the crowds with his trademark toff-with-Alzheimer’s buffoonery. In an effort to feign enjoyment, the Prime Minister's jaw was said to have become so strained by disingenuously smiling and inauthentic guffawing, he was forced to take a pain killing injection in the short recess following the end of the oration.

The Prime Minister was unavailable for comment (though allegedly not because of his strained jaw), but his aide, Daniel Rottweiler-Bosch, was adamant that the present Tory party leader felt neither threatened by Johnson, nor any animosity towards him.

“The Prime Minister obviously has no bad feelings towards Mr Johnson, it would be like hating Mr. Bean,” he said, as he briefly flashed a photo of Boris Johnson in a dress, “Naturally, one is not inclined to feel threatened by Mr. Bean…” 

The Mayor of London however, was available for comment, as he addressed a pre-arranged press-conference of fifty journalists. Rather predictably, he attempted to dismiss any rumours of his leadership intentions.

"Look, I'm not the kind of bloke that's going to stand here and say: the Prime Minister is unpopular, his message has been lost, he can't win us the next election, he has far more grey hair than me, he doesn't know what Magna Carter means...." the Mayor said as he tailed off into a low mumble, "I'm just not going to do that."

The Prime Minister and the Mayor of London always see eye-to-eye