MISSOURI SENATE CANDIDATE TODD AKIN TO LEARN ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

Missouri Senate candidate, Todd Akin, is at the centre of a political firestorm with denunciations and criticism scalding him from all quarters; following his bewilderingly stupid and incendiary remarks regarding rape, made earlier this week.

Akin, appearing in a Fox News interview, claimed that pregnancy ‘rarely’ occurs in incidences of rape; mostly owing to the ability of a woman’s body to ‘shut-down’ its reproductive capability when confronted with a ‘legitimate’ rapist. The comments quickly made Akin the subject of opprobrium from Democrats and members of the GOP alike; with Presidential candidate Mitt Romney immediately distancing himself from Akin, claiming that “The only Todd I know, is Todd Carty, who played the notorious rogue Tucker Jenkins in British teen-drama, Grange Hill.”

However, Akin was fortunate enough to receive sympathy from one group of people: the Surrogate Fathers of America, the charity that offers fathering and ‘buddy’ services to fatherless or orphaned children. In a statement released yesterday, the SFA have suggested that Akin’s remarks clearly show that his own father neglected to discuss ‘the birds and the bees’ with him, which has slowly but surely lead him to make such uninformed remarks.

“It’s about time that one of our Dads sat down with Todd, and had the talk,” said an SFA spokesman, “As his own father is long gone, we are happy to take on the task. After all, Toddy is a big boy now, running for the Senate and all.”

It has also been suggested that Akin would benefit from other refresher courses run by the SFA, such as: ‘Fire – It’s pretty but darn hot!’, ‘Sticks, stones and naughty words’ and ‘Big boys don’t wet the bed!’

The spokesman went on to say that they felt Akin was being harshly treated, notwithstanding his espousal of such disgusting views. 

“Dumb kids say silly things all the time,” the spokesman said, “We just need to have some more patience with Toddy, he’s still learning!”

Err, or just don't vote them in...